One of the biggest challenges of living with anxiety is figuring out how to re-enter the world after you’ve been in retreat mode. You know that feeling, say, when you’ve cut class so many times it’s just easier to keep on not going? Because showing up involves too many possible horrific situations, like people asking where the hell you’ve been and being all interested in you and also there’s that huge pile of work you left. Well, this is like that. A while back, life knocked me sideways. That’s actually putting it mildly. It was like being hit by a train, and the train was filled with shit. The only way I could survive was to shut all the way down. In a weird way, it was nice, because all I did was concentrate on getting to the next shitty moment. I spent some time hunkered down. I did art every day, took walks, and ate too many pistachios (that’s a lie – there’s no such thing as too many pistachios). I cried a lot, but you can cry and do art and it’s fine. I mean, not FINE, but you know. It’s doable. It felt like there was this big game of jump rope being played, and I didn’t know how to jump in. My timing was completely off. I wanted to stay in my comfortable little nest. But the stupid thing about anxiety is that it won’t really go away if you stay in your nest. It gets quiet for a while, but you know it’s in there with you, watching you draw your goofy sketches and eating your pistachios. The only thing that makes anxiety go away – and I know this sounds nuts – is exposure to the thing you are trying desperately to avoid. Or, as an annoyingly astute therapist of mine once said, “You must be willing to endure the suffering.” What kind of suffering? In my case, the endless, unbearable What Ifs. What if no one cares? What if everyone cares? What if people hate the way I’ve changed? The way my art and words and voice have been inevitably transformed during my mental hiatus? All I knew was, anxiety and I were not going to be able to live in this temporary shelter much longer. It has not been easy. It will never be easy. Some days, the anxiety wins. But the fact that you try means you are on your own side. And yes, sometimes laying in bed and crying is what your try looks like. It means you’re still on the step of experiencing the emotions, and you can’t skip steps. You’ll move into action when you are ready, so don’t be mean to yourself. You can do this!

If you have anxiety, you are familiar with a pattern of behavior known as avoidance. Avoidance means changing your actions in order to avoid experiencing anxiety or panic. It means you convince yourself if you just don’t do that, you will be safe. Presumably from flesh-eating zombies, searing humiliation, uncomfortable conflicts, and/or embarrassingly copious bouts of perspiration. But here’s the thing (there’s always a thing): avoidance actually magnifies your anxiety about whatever it is you are trying to avoid. I say this as someone whose unread email-pile looms menacingly in the distance like impending doom. Did you know that NOT answering email does not make those unread emails disappear? Weird. The truth is that avoidance makes your world very small. It prevents you from forming relationships and having experiences and achieving your goals – unless your goal is to sweat a lot and secretly loathe yourself. It also doesn’t actually keep you safe, since the anxiety originates in you. For example, maybe you’re late for class, but you decide that rather than walk in late, you’ll just skip it. Because ACK, WHAT IF PEOPLE SEE YOU. Email build up. It is a thing. And the more you avoid it, the more vivid and horrible your nightmares of being pilloried while angry Gmail denizens pelt you with garbage. No? Just me? You end up disqualifying people as friends and/or partners, which is super lonely. Avoidance is only a temporary solution. Not even that. It’s like one of those terrible bandaids with no adhesive that comes right off. It just doesn’t work. The hard part about it is that your brain will turn somersaults trying to convince you that it DOES work, because, hello. Avoidance! Let’s not think about why you’re feeling this way. The bad news is that the only way to break the cycle of avoidance and anxiety is to confront it. Recognize it. Admit that you’re doing it. Question the bad voices. The good news is that you can bear the discomfort. It sucks. But you can do it. And exposure to discomfort will cause it lessen over time. It’s worth it, I promise, because the pain of isolation and missed experiences is worse. Don’t hesitate to get help (yes, it’s one of those things you’ll want to avoid – no one is saying this will be easy, just that it’s worth it). Most important, be kind to yourself. You’re not lazy or anti-social or defective. Everyone has a thing. If your thing is anxiety, avoidance is part of the deal, but it can be overcome.

Everyone has difficulty concentrating now and again, just as everyone experiences anxiety. What, then, makes the inability to concentrate that results from anxiety disorder different? Are anxiety-sufferers really having that much trouble? In a word: yes. If you are an Anxiety Blob who finds it hard to focus because of racing thoughts, you are not making it up. Anxiety disorder does indeed trigger something called concentration deviation. People with pathological anxiety disorders are in a constant state of vigilance, threat assessment, and harm avoidance. In other words, how can your brain be expected to expend energy on this trivial task you are trying to do when there is DANGER EVERY WHERE? When you are responding to anxiety, you undergo physiological, behavioral, and cognitive changes. Your body and mind are preparing to deal with what you think is a threat to your safety, but your perceptions are unreliable. This makes it hard to be in the moment. And when your head is full of thoughts you don’t want but can’t avoid, this affects the way you function in everyday life. This is one of the reasons Anxiety Blobs are often fatigued. There’s a lot going on inside. I have found that the right medications along with talk therapy can be helpful in allowing me to challenge troubling thoughts. Also, exercise can be great for sleep improvement. Even then, depending on where I am in my cycle, I do still struggle with concentration. It’s part of the deal, living with a disorder like this, but you can manage it. I do better in short bursts of work with frequent breaks, I take LOTS of notes and have one big To Do List, and most importantly – I remind myself that this is real, I did not choose it, but I can still live my life.

One of the hardest things to understand about anxiety disorder is that it causes the sufferer to isolate. That isolation is both a symptom and a side effect of anxiety. Anxiety Blobs may crave social interaction, but often the thought of being around other people, even people we love, can be daunting. Anxiety tells us we are awkward and strange and unworthy, and that vague doom awaits if we stir from the safety of our home. These thoughts, of course, are incorrect, and a good therapist will tell you to challenge them. On better days, you remember that we are all awkward and strange and that you are no less worthy than the next weirdo. But on the hard days, it doesn’t feel that way. You no more want to go out in public during an anxiety flare-up than you would if you had full-blown chicken pox all over your body. Which brings me to this: online communication can be a lifesaver for those dealing with anxiety, especially when depression settles in. A screen may be your portal to the world. It’s very popular these days to declare an internet fast. In a time of overwhelming connectivity and information overload, people are trying to take care of themselves by setting boundaries. This is important, especially for children. BUT. The blanket condemnation of social media and the constant exhortations to unplug and go have real experiences are incredibly ableist. Well-meaning, but ableist. First, who gets to define an authentic experience? What assumptions are being made about which interactions are real and meaningful and which ones are fake or insignificant? And how do those who deal with mental (and/or physical) disabilities maintain connection with the world? When an Anxiety Blob is particularly low, something as simple as a nerdy text can be as helpful as a good night’s sleep or a coffee date with a friend. That moment of interaction is real. It matters. It has value. On more occasions than I can count, my friends who live in the computer have been my solace and my companionship. Especially on the days when taking a shower seems monumentally impossible or the thought of being in the physical presence of other humans in my loathesome state induces actual panic. You know what helps? Geeking out in a way that lets me engage with others on a level that is feasible. Accessing the world through screens is not a substitute for meat-space experiences and relationships. But it’s a wonderful option to have. If that’s all you can manage, don’t beat yourself up. You are doing just fine.

When it comes to anxiety and insomnia it can be a bit of a “which came first, the chicken or the egg” scenario. Studies show that nearly all psychiatric disorders include some degree of sleep disruption, and lack of sleep can greatly exacerbate any existing issues. Anxiety keeps you up at night, which in turn makes you more susceptible to anxiety. Some Anxiety Blobs like myself experience racing or troublesome thoughts, particularly at bedtime. It’s difficult (or impossible, sometimes) to banish them or fight them off with logic. Which makes it hard to fall asleep – you know, that fun thing where you keep checking the time and doing mental calculations about how much sleep you really need to function the next day. I mean, two hours is probably fine, right? It doesn’t matter what kind of day I had or how tired I might be. It’s like these dumb, obsessive thoughts lie in wait, ready to pounce as soon as I am settling down for the night. My head is a litany of every past, present, and future screw-up. Often, the anxiety is over a trivial or insignificant thing. BUT I CAN’T STOP THINKING ABOUT IT. Sometimes, if I have managed to fall asleep, I will be jolted awake, heart racing, by a sickening feeling of dread. For me, managing insomnia is part of living with anxiety. I find that it helps to exercise regularly and eat well (although of course we all know this isn’t always possible when you’re in the grips of it, but when you can, it’s a good idea). I take meds to stabilize my moods. And most importantly, I remind myself that this is just a thing that happens to me. On the plus side, during these bouts, I get a lot of reading done.

Many people don’t realize that social anxiety is an actual mental health diagnosis. It goes far beyond simply feeling anxious in certain social situations, which everyone experiences from time to time. Social Anxiety Disorder is a chronic condition, diagnosed by a professional, in which the patient experiences irrational fear regarding social interactions, especially in instances where you might give offense or be negatively judged or where you might experience humiliation or embarrassment. It makes ZERO sense, because those of us with SAD may experience these feelings in totally benign circumstances. It is often confused with introversion, and though the two may often overlap, introversion is a temperament, not disorder. Therapy and meds can be very helpful in dealing with this condition. I find that my social anxiety is triggered by groups of strangers. Also, by phone calls. Texts are ok, because I can take time to process and respond when I am ready, but a phone call feels like a stranger turning up in my living room. Ack! The fun part of social anxiety is that it can strike even when you are talking to people you know and like. It’s not them; it’s definitely me. I have awoken many a night from a sound sleep, suddenly full of anxiety over an innocuous thing someone said. And/or my awkward response.   I still actually like people, though. I may avoid contact sometimes, but only because I want to avoid the discomfort socialization can bring. Not because I want to live in a cave somewhere. I would be a part-time cave-dweller at most. And I’d need a blankie and electronic devices so I could peer out at the world. The point is, social anxiety disorder is common, it can be managed, though that is not always easy, and your mental health condition is NOT a reflection on you or your character.

Fun fact: the symptoms of anxiety and depression often overlap. Both disorders have different causes and emotional roots, but it is not uncommon for a person who suffers from one to also experience the other. According to the Anxiety and Depression Association of America, some shared symptoms of both anxiety and depression are:

• agitation
• dysphoria
• sleep disruption
• fatigue
• difficulty concentrating
• restlessness
• irritability (or what I like to call anger-xiety – this is totally a thing)

Depression can cause anxiety and anxiety can lead to depression. Basically, the Depression Cloud is a natural buddy of an Anxiety Blob. It’s the friend who shows up uninvited and stays way too long, eating all your potato chips and sucking up your time and energy. If you are an Anxiety Blob who has depression, there is a clinical basis for your feelings. And you are not alone. You may be going along, having a perfectly normal day. Then, the Depression Cloud appears. It has no respect for anything that is going on in your life. It just wants to hang out. The Depression Cloud is like a super-obnoxious houseguest. And now your life is like a terrible buddy cop show where nothing happens except napping, shower-crying, junk food binges, and negative self-talk. It’s hard to know how long the Depression Cloud is going to be in town, but it WILL leave eventually. It always does. In my case, with the help of the right meds, therapy, exercise, and commiseration with friends. If nothing else, it helps to know that 1) it’s a real thing and 2) I’m not the only one. You are not the only one.

Many Anxiety Blobs with social anxiety have a specific fear of phone calls. Not phones. Not texting. But actually answering the phone. Or picking it up to call someone. Personally, I find that it has to do with 1) an unscripted interaction (I have no idea why this person is calling or who they are), 2) not being able to see the person’s face for social cues, 3) the possibility of being misinterpreted. I MUCH prefer texting, though people without anxiety often find that form of communication to be more opaque and more likely to be the cause of misunderstanding. However, I think I speak for a fair number of my Anxiety Blob brethren when I say that the reason we like texts better is that we have the time and space to think about what we want to say – anxiety can cause confusion and aphasia (that thing where you lose words). When I’m responding to a text – and I might not do so immediately – I can take a moment. I can edit myself. I’m not trying to be deceptive or craft an image. I just would like to not wake up in cold sweats reliving that stupid thing I sent where I said “your” instead of “you’re” and also, why would I say “coolio” to that person I barely know? Sometimes, though, I’m afraid NOT to anwer the phone. Oh, anxiety. You saucy companion. Never a dull moment. Dueling anxieties! Which is worse, unexpected conversation with a stranger or possibly neglecting a friend or loved one? What kind of loathsome creature ignores a cry for help from someone who is probably pinned beneath a vending machine? Add to list of irrational fears: offending salesperson I do not know and will never meet. This is how I end up with weird magazines I don’t read.

Within the Anxiety Blob portion of the population, you will find a fair number of introverts. It’s tempting to conflate social anxiety with introversion, but that would be a mistake. Social anxiety is the fear of being perceived (and judged) negatively by others to the extent that it affects your interactions with other people and beyond that, your quality of life as a whole. Introversion, however, is a personality trait. Many Anxiety Blobs are introverts, but not all introverts are Anxiety Blobs. Introverts are energized by quiet and solitude and though they may not be anxious about socializing, they expend energy when they are around other people. That’s right, even just being around other people can be draining for an introvert. Ask me sometime about the years I spent living in the highly populous city of Tokyo, Japan. I get tired just remembering that! If you are an Anxiety Blob with introvert tendencies, a simple invitation to an event can present a challenge. Before responding, the introvert must make a quick assessment of the situation. Anxiety Blobs and introverts generally like people, but not in large groups or unfamiliar settings. Even people we love take energy, and we are usually happy to give that energy. But we will need to recharge at some point. We sometimes feel conflicted about turning down invitations. If you have social anxiety, you’re afraid that your friends will think you hate them and will never invite you to anything again, not even their online direct sales parties. However, sometimes, it’s necessary to shut down for routine maintenance. For an introvert, alone is not lonely. It’s peaceful. And ultimately, taking care of your mental and emotional health is better for all your relationships, especially the one you have with yourself. You’ll be rested and engaged and ready to people again eventually. Plus, those Netflix shows aren’t going to marathon themselves, you know. Save Save

Did you know that Sweatpants & Coffee’s beloved mental health mascot, the Anxiety Blob, is kind of a big deal on social media? Go to Instagram and search the #anxietyblob  hashtag or the official @therealanxietyblob account and you’ll find Anxiety Blobs having all sorts of blobventures – a great reminder that anxiety is a condition you can manage and that you are not alone. It should come as no surprise to anyone that Anxiety Blobs also enjoy coffee, in fact, we actually have two different Anxiety Blob mugs available in our shop! You can check them out here and here, and sip your coffee like an Anxiety Blob. Anxiety Blob’s start their days with coffee, just like we do.

Blob wishes you all a Happy National Coffee Day! Be sure to check out @sweatpantsandcoffee on Facebook for a coupon for our orignal roast from our friends @plbcoffee! #AnxietyBlob #sweatpantsandcoffee #plbcoffee #coffee #nationalcoffeeday #nationalcoffeeday☕️#coffeeday

A post shared by The Real Anxiety Blob (@therealanxietyblob) on Sep 29, 2017 at 8:54am PDT

Ottom’s survival kit includes two things: coffee and her Anxiety Blob.

#Tuesday #survivalkit: #coffee & #AnxietyBlob @Regrann from @iamottum – My favorite #coffee shop. Thank you @rudycaseres!!! #sirensjavaandtea #MermaidKiss #Hatte #AnxietyBlob #BlobSitting @sweatpantsandcoffee @depressedcakeshop @therealanxietyblob

A post shared by The Real Anxiety Blob (@therealanxietyblob) on Aug 29, 2017 at 7:11am PDT

A bit of blob-ception happening here with Anxiety Blob drinking out of an Anxiety Blob mug.

@Regrann from @depressedcakeshop – So fun to see all of these @sweatpantsandcoffee #AnxietyBlobs in their new homes. Keep the photos coming and @kellyswork, this is so #adorable. Repost from @kellyswork Our Anxiety Blob from @depressedcakeshop !! We knew he would be apprehensive about moving to a new house so we made him a cookie and some hot chocolate–using our new mug from @sweatpantsandcoffee #happynow #selfcare #depressedcakeshop #anxietyblob

A post shared by The Real Anxiety Blob (@therealanxietyblob) on Aug 15, 2017 at 7:16am PDT

To-go coffee helps Blobs get things done.

@Regrann from @depressedcakeshop – Follow along today as #AnxietyBlob goes on an adventure of #cake and #creativity. Blob has been invited to study with @misobakes and @petalsweetcakes. Although Blob is a little anxious having never decorated cakes before (and because he has no fingers) he knows that getting outside of your comfort zone and trying something new is a wonderful thing to do. He has also read that #creativity and #art can help with some symptoms of anxiety. Follow him at @depressedcakeshop story today and cheer him on! But first, #coffee.

A post shared by The Real Anxiety Blob (@therealanxietyblob) on Jul 22, 2017 at 7:21am PDT

Iced or hot, Blobs just need their caffeine fix, esepcially on road trips.

@Regrann from @coleandcailey – Not sure what this place is, but at least we’ve got caribou coffee #travelerlife #anxietyblob #northcarolina

A post shared by The Real Anxiety Blob (@therealanxietyblob) on Jul 4, 2017 at 10:05am PDT

Anxiety Blob’s especially enjoy espresso since the cups are just the right size.

They have cups that are my size! #coffee #AnxietyBlob #blobcruises #monday #cortidito

A post shared by The Real Anxiety Blob (@therealanxietyblob) on Jun 12, 2017 at 10:30am PDT

Coffee makes Monday mornings manageable for Albie the Anxiety Blob.

My buddy @albie_the_anxiety_blob @Regrann from @albie_the_anxiety_blob – It’s #Monday morning, and Albie the #anxietyblob is sat with his morning coffee reading @bubakes latest blog post about embracing uncertainty. Albie finds this particular topic a tough one especially when his #anxiety is playing up, but there are some tips in the post that he is going to try out… The link to the post and the tips is here: http://www.bubakes.co.uk/blog/its-not-what-you-think-it-will-be-its-time-to-embrace-uncertainty Have a wonderful week everyone x #bubakes #sweatpantsandcoffee #depressedcakeshop #anxiety #deppression #socialanxiety #blog #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #uncertainty #mondaymotivation #coffee

A post shared by The Real Anxiety Blob (@therealanxietyblob) on Feb 20, 2017 at 10:03am PST

The first stop in a new place is always the local coffee shop for Blobs.

First stop is coffee from #Joeandthejuice. #coffee #sweatpantsandcoffee #iceland #beyondthelands_ #alliceland #reykjavik #mystopover #travel #rvkfoto #igersiceland #traveliceland #islandia #wheniniceland

A post shared by The Real Anxiety Blob (@therealanxietyblob) on Jan 27, 2017 at 11:06pm PST

Nothing better than your Anxiety Blob making your morning coffee.

@albie_the_anxiety_blob making coffee. #monday #coffee #keurig @depressedcakeshop

A post shared by The Real Anxiety Blob (@therealanxietyblob) on Dec 19, 2016 at 9:16am PST

They spelled his name right!

My buddy @albie_the_anxiety_blob enjoying some decaf at the airport. @bubakes #AnxietyBlob #starbucks @depressedcakeshop

A post shared by The Real Anxiety Blob (@therealanxietyblob) on Dec 17, 2016 at 11:33am PST

Who doesn’t love a little latte art?

My buddy Blobert enjoy a cappuccino. @Regrann from @iamblobert – There’s something about a great cappuccino that makes me smile…..I’m smiling, right? #iamblobert #blobertdeniro #anxietyblob #adventuresofblobert #blueguy #eisme #cappuccinotime #imsmiling #coffeelover #livingthelife #williamsburgbrooklyn @depressedcakeshop

A post shared by The Real Anxiety Blob (@therealanxietyblob) on Dec 9, 2016 at 1:50pm PST

Want to share your Blob photos with us? Tag us @therealanxietyblob, use the hashtag #AnxietyBlob or email your Blob photos to shandle@sweatpantsandcoffee.com Save